Lyrics & Writing

Lyrics & Writing


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How to play

Create a neologism by taking a 'real' word, and either adding, omitting or substituting one letter — no more, no less.
Thanks to Roger Marsden who originally introduced me to this game!


Wordplay by Matheson Bayley, 2006

Anonsense=Ludicrousies to which no-one will confess
Ugloo=Aesthetically displeasing ice-house
Cute=Adorably angular
Scentipede=Aromatic polypod
Navigaytion=Sex-starved sailors find mutual reliefc
Kuttle=For boiling squid ink
Brainbow=Multicoloured head-scarf
Strifle=The pudding you get in trouble for eating
Quickstand=Attempt to get out of a quagmire
Hexciting=Six times the tension
Manurfacture=Making dung fertiliser
Shugar=Spelling-reformed glucose
Alpino=Very white snow-capped mountains
Buzzz=Sleeping bee
Canderella=A unit for mesuring the luminous intensity of pumpkins
Wallnut=Seeds in the brickwork
Hippiness=Flower Power joy
Goby Dick=Sand-Whale
Bubblepath=Soaped-up drive-way after rain
Crankenstein=Grumpy monster-maker
Carthesian=X-Y coordinates of Tunisian Roman ruins
Satin=The Devil’s cloth
On Green Golphin Street=A 'putting-good' standard
Petryfy=To turn to jelly from fright
Lipuorice=The colour your lips go when you suck it
Phospital=Enlightened medical centre
Drumodary=Berber percussion
Boyster=Male shellfish
Coyster=Shy shellfish
Foyster=Chicanerous shellfish
Hoyster=Lifted shellfish
Holocause=Unjustifiable genocide
Cellotape=Cytoplasmic adhesive
Ninoscopic=As small as a Spanish child
Déjà Bû=The feeling you get upon drinking your own piss
Turdulence=Chaotic faeces-particle movement
Atafistic=Peanuts throwback1
Atagurk=Pickled Turkish Politics
Trampet=Homeless brass-playing busker
Begotry=Intolerance of the homeless
Madem=Erratic internet connection
Leterature=Latvian novels
Cotswallop=Slapping your baby for talking bullshit
Peotard=A bomb wrapped in a stretchy dancing garment
Sillogism=Stupid logic
Hellicopter=Mode of transportation for the archangel’s descent from Heaven
Immanuel Kunt=…for all those neologisms
Blow-gob=Mucus-y fellatio
Wacket=Precisely what a cricketer hopes to do to it
Killustration=Diagram in the Assassins’ Handbook
H22O=Two little ducks on the water
3.12=Babylonian circles
Paramids=Egyptian constructions that don’t quite meet at the top
Potography=Writing in water-colour
Successs=Snaking your way to the top (cf Snakes ’n’ Ladders!)
Questcon=The search for the answer to who ripped us off
Eufovision=Song Contest as sighted from a flying saucer
Hoppy=Gleeful one-legged man
Elactricity=Power cut
Four-poser bed=…for exhibitionistic orgies
Punis=Tiny urino-copulatory organ
Masymptotic=Approaching infinite size
Scewdriver=…for wonky mechanics
Gustronomy=The study of flatulence after haut-cuisine
BBB=British Broadcasting Bollocks
Curridor=Links kitchen to Indian restaurant
299 792 459 m/s=Impossibly fast
Santa Clause=Holy Sentence
Proffanity=Cursing for a living
Peautiful=Anyone French with lovely skin
Lambent=Shepard’s song of woe
Ca=A Cockney feline
Octopuss=Eight-legged feline
Mognetism=Feline attraction
Leopardy=Feline danger
Too many crooks spoil the broth=…erm?
Too many books spoil the broth=…not the most obvious ingredient
Too many coots spoil the broth=…unless it’s a bird stew
Too many cooks soil the broth=…if they haven’t washed their hands
Too many cooks spil the broth=…if they don’t have steady hands
Too many cooks spoil the booth=…it gets rather cramped
Overies=Tissue above the egg-producing organs
Shebrew=Female Jew
Neo-Conserveative=Jammy election victory
Gaspel Choir=Out-of-breath church singers
Pale-vaulter=Frightened athlete
Gaffiti=Writing on the walls of a disreputable music hall
Dishaster=Dropping the crockery
Symapse=…charts neuronal connections
Decadunce=Idiotic hedonism
Agundance=A lot of weapons
Ablundance=A lot of mistakes
Anundance=What you find in an abbey
Apundance=This game!
Asundance=Multiple Redfood Festivals
Abandance=…at a music festival
Bestival=Celebration of animal sex
Fuge=Colossal counterpoint
Polyglut=Someone who’s ‘hungry’ for learning languages
Decoffeinated=(1) A drink consisting of only hot water, milk and sugar
"=(2) Burial after cremation
Scurvey=Gathering of statistics on vitamin-C deficiency
Herbert Arc-use=A two-dimensional man (it takes 2 axes to plot the arc y = x2)
Psycl-ogical=Cognitive behavioural term for hard-to-break habbits / viscious circles
Jubrisprudence=Arrogant legal system
Encyclopsedia=Volume of information on Greek mythology
Foetball=Sport where the object is to kick an embryo through the goal-posts
Rustafarian=Having oxidised dreadlocks
Knotting=Tangled wool
Catamarang=A boat particularly well suited for sailing on white frothy seas
Vascosity=The consistency of Vaseline
Hicroshima=New name of Japanese City after WWII
Fer-ti-go=...the reason you feel it
Margaret Hatcher=...Poll tax, de-regulation, privatisation…the ideas just kept on coming!
Lead Sea=Body of water in which you don’t sink like it!
Leaning Tower of Piza=…What they might as well have made the foundations out of
Leakaemia=White-blood-cell-deficiency, when CD4 bizarrely seeps out through pores
SETE=Search for Extra-Terrestrial Elvis (More likely to continue being funded!)
STI=Search for Terrestrial Intelligence (They’d be better off starting at home!)
Nowmenclature=Extant terminology
Hybid=Sotheby’s crossed with ebay
Mishrooms=Skeptical Turkish fungus (Turkish for ‘It’s probably not true’ is ‘Mış’, pronounced ‘Mish’)
Steady Bear=Cuddly toy with which you’ve shared your bed for many years
Tutology=Reproof-engendering redundancy
Chicen=Poultry à la mode
WWVW=World-Wide Viral Web
Speeth impediment=...self-referential
Duduck=Traditional Armenian double-reeded musical instrument…badly played
Karajoke=…what it usually is
Kalaoke=…how the Japs say it
Origani=The art of folding spices up in paper
Merijuana=…how you feel after it
Mör-gåsbord=Second helpings of Swedish lunch
Hoodwin (to)=To trick someone into thinking you’re their grandmother when you’re really just a hungry wolf
Statocaster=Fender guitar powered by static-electricity
Slumberjack=Sleepy tree-feller
Limberjack=Supple tree-feller
Lamberjack=Mutton butcher
Swig-wam=Amerindian booze-up tent
Wog-wam=Negro teepee
Twig-wam=Apache house made of wood
Wig-wham=Cherokee sport in which the victor is whoever throws a toupee hardest at his opponent
Tan-Tam=A brown gong
Tum-Tam=Very large dinner bell
Ham-tam=Pig-skin-covered gong
Apropose=Concerning suggestions
Apptosite=Extremely relevant
Herpies=Mythological creatures which are 1/3 woman, 1/3 bird, and 1/3 genital warts
Interpratation=…what a pillock gives
Major heaventh chord=The ethereal sound of simultaneous A-flat, C, E-flat & G
Mundacity=Everyday lies
Hippopotatus=Spud-eating horse
Subpoema=(1) A writ-ten (!) sonnet
"=(2) Poetry of such a bad standard that the poet is summoned to court (Cf Hitchhikers’ Guide To The Galaxy!)
Knock-knead=Banging lumps of dough together
Bowl-legged=Someone talented at ten-pin
Brow-legged=A contortionist who can wrap his legs around his forehead
Blow-legged=A contortionist who can suck his own…
Semendipitious=Fortuitous fertilisation
Terapeutic=Trillions of times more beneficial
Porshch=Soup traditionally drunk by Russian sports car drivers
Cikarette=…how it makes you feel the first time you try it
Cignarette=Swan tobacco
Bedweiser=Soporific beer
Bedinage=Post-coital banter
Bedacious=An awesome lay, dude!
Spufism=Mock Islamic mysticism
Stufism=Materialistic Islamic mysticism
Surfism=Californian Islamic mysticism
Ufism=Alien Islamic mysticism
Sukism=Mystical haggling
Codbury=Company that makes chocolate coated fish ’n’ chips
Volaptuous=Having curvy thighs
Voliptuous=Having succulent lips
Voruptuous=A woman so sensuous that you haemorrhage when she touches you
Slipsism=The theory that the only knowable & verifiable thing is the existence of one’s own undergarment
Rhinny=To neigh through the nose
Feudian=Pertaining to the unconscious slips that occur during prolonged quarrels
Ecognomics=(1) The study of garden-dwarf finances
"=(2) The study of the way we think about money
Frail=Writing system for people who have trouble holding a pen due to arthritis
Ergonaut=One of Jason’s sailors who was not a hero, therefore: a zero!
Bichelor=A spinster who never married because she’s such a…
Floquacity=Fluid talkativeness
Sobjunctive=A sad mood


1 — ‘fistik’ is the Farsi, Turkish & Greek word for ‘peanut’.

Matheson Bayley © 2006
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