 | “Ludologolepsy” |
Create a neologism by taking a 'real' word, and either adding, omitting or substituting one letter — no more, no less.
Thanks to Roger Marsden who originally introduced me to this game!
Wordplay by Matheson Bayley, 2006
| NEOLOGISM | = | DEFINITION |
| Anonsense | = | Ludicrousies to which no-one will confess |
| Ugloo | = | Aesthetically displeasing ice-house |
| Cute | = | Adorably angular |
| Scentipede | = | Aromatic polypod |
| Navigaytion | = | Sex-starved sailors find mutual reliefc |
| Kuttle | = | For boiling squid ink |
| Brainbow | = | Multicoloured head-scarf |
| Strifle | = | The pudding you get in trouble for eating |
| Quickstand | = | Attempt to get out of a quagmire |
| Hexciting | = | Six times the tension |
| Manurfacture | = | Making dung fertiliser |
| Shugar | = | Spelling-reformed glucose |
| Alpino | = | Very white snow-capped mountains |
| Buzzz | = | Sleeping bee |
| Canderella | = | A unit for mesuring the luminous intensity of pumpkins |
| Wallnut | = | Seeds in the brickwork |
| Hippiness | = | Flower Power joy |
| Goby Dick | = | Sand-Whale |
| Bubblepath | = | Soaped-up drive-way after rain |
| Crankenstein | = | Grumpy monster-maker |
| Carthesian | = | X-Y coordinates of Tunisian Roman ruins |
| Satin | = | The Devil’s cloth |
| On Green Golphin Street | = | A 'putting-good' standard |
| Petryfy | = | To turn to jelly from fright |
| Lipuorice | = | The colour your lips go when you suck it |
| Phospital | = | Enlightened medical centre |
| Drumodary | = | Berber percussion |
| Boyster | = | Male shellfish |
| Coyster | = | Shy shellfish |
| Foyster | = | Chicanerous shellfish |
| Hoyster | = | Lifted shellfish |
| Holocause | = | Unjustifiable genocide |
| Cellotape | = | Cytoplasmic adhesive |
| Ninoscopic | = | As small as a Spanish child |
| Déjà Bû | = | The feeling you get upon drinking your own piss |
| Turdulence | = | Chaotic faeces-particle movement |
| Atafistic | = | Peanuts throwback1 |
| Atagurk | = | Pickled Turkish Politics |
| Trampet | = | Homeless brass-playing busker |
| Begotry | = | Intolerance of the homeless |
| Madem | = | Erratic internet connection |
| Leterature | = | Latvian novels |
| Cotswallop | = | Slapping your baby for talking bullshit |
| Peotard | = | A bomb wrapped in a stretchy dancing garment |
| Sillogism | = | Stupid logic |
| Hellicopter | = | Mode of transportation for the archangel’s descent from Heaven |
| Immanuel Kunt | = | …for all those neologisms |
| Blow-gob | = | Mucus-y fellatio |
| Wacket | = | Precisely what a cricketer hopes to do to it |
| Killustration | = | Diagram in the Assassins’ Handbook |
| H22O | = | Two little ducks on the water |
| 3.12 | = | Babylonian circles |
| Paramids | = | Egyptian constructions that don’t quite meet at the top |
| Potography | = | Writing in water-colour |
| Successs | = | Snaking your way to the top (cf Snakes ’n’ Ladders!) |
| Questcon | = | The search for the answer to who ripped us off |
| Eufovision | = | Song Contest as sighted from a flying saucer |
| Hoppy | = | Gleeful one-legged man |
| Elactricity | = | Power cut |
| Four-poser bed | = | …for exhibitionistic orgies |
| Punis | = | Tiny urino-copulatory organ |
| Masymptotic | = | Approaching infinite size |
| Scewdriver | = | …for wonky mechanics |
| Gustronomy | = | The study of flatulence after haut-cuisine |
| BBB | = | British Broadcasting Bollocks |
| Curryncy | = | Rupees |
| Curridor | = | Links kitchen to Indian restaurant |
| 299 792 459 m/s | = | Impossibly fast |
| Santa Clause | = | Holy Sentence |
| Proffanity | = | Cursing for a living |
| Peautiful | = | Anyone French with lovely skin |
| Lambent | = | Shepard’s song of woe |
| Ca | = | A Cockney feline |
| Octopuss | = | Eight-legged feline |
| Mognetism | = | Feline attraction |
| Leopardy | = | Feline danger |
| Too many crooks spoil the broth | = | …erm? |
| Too many books spoil the broth | = | …not the most obvious ingredient |
| Too many coots spoil the broth | = | …unless it’s a bird stew |
| Too many cooks soil the broth | = | …if they haven’t washed their hands |
| Too many cooks spil the broth | = | …if they don’t have steady hands |
| Too many cooks spoil the booth | = | …it gets rather cramped |
| Overies | = | Tissue above the egg-producing organs |
| Shebrew | = | Female Jew |
| Neo-Conserveative | = | Jammy election victory |
| Gaspel Choir | = | Out-of-breath church singers |
| HIQ | = | Intelligent |
| Pale-vaulter | = | Frightened athlete |
| Gaffiti | = | Writing on the walls of a disreputable music hall |
| Dishaster | = | Dropping the crockery |
| Symapse | = | …charts neuronal connections |
| Decadunce | = | Idiotic hedonism |
| Afundance | = | Hedonism |
| Agundance | = | A lot of weapons |
| Ablundance | = | A lot of mistakes |
| Anundance | = | What you find in an abbey |
| Apundance | = | This game! |
| Asundance | = | Multiple Redfood Festivals |
| Abandance | = | …at a music festival |
| Bestival | = | Celebration of animal sex |
| Fuge | = | Colossal counterpoint |
| Polyglut | = | Someone who’s ‘hungry’ for learning languages |
| Decoffeinated | = | (1) A drink consisting of only hot water, milk and sugar |
| " | = | (2) Burial after cremation |
| Scurvey | = | Gathering of statistics on vitamin-C deficiency |
| Herbert Arc-use | = | A two-dimensional man (it takes 2 axes to plot the arc y = x2) |
| Psycl-ogical | = | Cognitive behavioural term for hard-to-break habbits / viscious circles |
| Jubrisprudence | = | Arrogant legal system |
| Slagacity | = | Whore-wisdom |
| Encyclopsedia | = | Volume of information on Greek mythology |
| Foetball | = | Sport where the object is to kick an embryo through the goal-posts |
| Rustafarian | = | Having oxidised dreadlocks |
| Knotting | = | Tangled wool |
| Catamarang | = | A boat particularly well suited for sailing on white frothy seas |
| Vascosity | = | The consistency of Vaseline |
| Hicroshima | = | New name of Japanese City after WWII |
| Fer-ti-go | = | ...the reason you feel it |
| Margaret Hatcher | = | ...Poll tax, de-regulation, privatisation…the ideas just kept on coming! |
| Lead Sea | = | Body of water in which you don’t sink like it! |
| Leaning Tower of Piza | = | …What they might as well have made the foundations out of |
| Leakaemia | = | White-blood-cell-deficiency, when CD4 bizarrely seeps out through pores |
| SETE | = | Search for Extra-Terrestrial Elvis (More likely to continue being funded!) |
| STI | = | Search for Terrestrial Intelligence (They’d be better off starting at home!) |
| Nowmenclature | = | Extant terminology |
| Hybid | = | Sotheby’s crossed with ebay |
| Mishrooms | = | Skeptical Turkish fungus (Turkish for ‘It’s probably not true’ is ‘Mış’, pronounced ‘Mish’) |
| Steady Bear | = | Cuddly toy with which you’ve shared your bed for many years |
| Tutology | = | Reproof-engendering redundancy |
| Chicen | = | Poultry à la mode |
| WWVW | = | World-Wide Viral Web |
| Speeth impediment | = | ...self-referential |
| Duduck | = | Traditional Armenian double-reeded musical instrument…badly played |
| Karajoke | = | …what it usually is |
| Kalaoke | = | …how the Japs say it |
| Origani | = | The art of folding spices up in paper |
| Merijuana | = | …how you feel after it |
| Mör-gåsbord | = | Second helpings of Swedish lunch |
| Hoodwin (to) | = | To trick someone into thinking you’re their grandmother when you’re really just a hungry wolf |
| Statocaster | = | Fender guitar powered by static-electricity |
| Slumberjack | = | Sleepy tree-feller |
| Limberjack | = | Supple tree-feller |
| Lamberjack | = | Mutton butcher |
| Swig-wam | = | Amerindian booze-up tent |
| Wog-wam | = | Negro teepee |
| Twig-wam | = | Apache house made of wood |
| Wig-wham | = | Cherokee sport in which the victor is whoever throws a toupee hardest at his opponent |
| Tan-Tam | = | A brown gong |
| Tum-Tam | = | Very large dinner bell |
| Ham-tam | = | Pig-skin-covered gong |
| Apropose | = | Concerning suggestions |
| Apptosite | = | Extremely relevant |
| Herpies | = | Mythological creatures which are 1/3 woman, 1/3 bird, and 1/3 genital warts |
| Interpratation | = | …what a pillock gives |
| Major heaventh chord | = | The ethereal sound of simultaneous A-flat, C, E-flat & G |
| Mundacity | = | Everyday lies |
| Hippopotatus | = | Spud-eating horse |
| Subpoema | = | (1) A writ-ten (!) sonnet |
| " | = | (2) Poetry of such a bad standard that the poet is summoned to court (Cf Hitchhikers’ Guide To The Galaxy!) |
| Knock-knead | = | Banging lumps of dough together |
| Bowl-legged | = | Someone talented at ten-pin |
| Brow-legged | = | A contortionist who can wrap his legs around his forehead |
| Blow-legged | = | A contortionist who can suck his own… |
| Semendipitious | = | Fortuitous fertilisation |
| Terapeutic | = | Trillions of times more beneficial |
| Porshch | = | Soup traditionally drunk by Russian sports car drivers |
| Cikarette | = | …how it makes you feel the first time you try it |
| Cignarette | = | Swan tobacco |
| Bedweiser | = | Soporific beer |
| Bedinage | = | Post-coital banter |
| Bedacious | = | An awesome lay, dude! |
| Spufism | = | Mock Islamic mysticism |
| Stufism | = | Materialistic Islamic mysticism |
| Surfism | = | Californian Islamic mysticism |
| Ufism | = | Alien Islamic mysticism |
| Sukism | = | Mystical haggling |
| Codbury | = | Company that makes chocolate coated fish ’n’ chips |
| Volaptuous | = | Having curvy thighs |
| Voliptuous | = | Having succulent lips |
| Voruptuous | = | A woman so sensuous that you haemorrhage when she touches you |
| Slipsism | = | The theory that the only knowable & verifiable thing is the existence of one’s own undergarment |
| Rhinny | = | To neigh through the nose |
| Feudian | = | Pertaining to the unconscious slips that occur during prolonged quarrels |
| Ecognomics | = | (1) The study of garden-dwarf finances |
| " | = | (2) The study of the way we think about money |
| Frail | = | Writing system for people who have trouble holding a pen due to arthritis |
| Ergonaut | = | One of Jason’s sailors who was not a hero, therefore: a zero! |
| Bichelor | = | A spinster who never married because she’s such a… |
| Floquacity | = | Fluid talkativeness |
| Sobjunctive | = | A sad mood |
1 — ‘fistik’ is the Farsi, Turkish & Greek word for ‘peanut’.
Matheson Bayley © 2006
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